Have you ever met that person where everything in the world is someone else's fault? "..I lost my job because the boss had it in for me. ...we broke up because (they) couldn't respect my needs...etc." Please, grow a responsiblity! You were a !!@#@! ADMIT IT!
I recently had a phone conversation with an individual whose contact name was "Renaissance man". It was fitting considering his thinking belonged in the dark ages. Our conversation began with what I thought was a rather innocuous topic of going out dining. I asked him where he liked to eat. WRONG! He then proceeded to tell me that he was trying a new restaurant with "friends". "Friends" that he really couldn't stand, but they provided a means to get there. Really! (Remember, this is out first conversation).
He then asked me where I worked. After I told him, he replyed that, "....yes, I looked into that, but they just didn't pay me enough for me to work there." BAM! I've been hit again.
After having asked me to call, he caps this less then memorable meeting of the minds with, "....well, I've got to get back to the World Cup...the USA is behind by one."
Brother, they're not the only ones!!!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Quintessential Male
The travel channel harbours a celebrity curmudgeon that tosses the word "Quintessential" like pennies into the proverbial fountain. So, in deference to my own ignorance, I decided to look the term up. According to Mr. Webster, it means, "...the concentrated purest essence of anything; the perfect form." Now, you are probably thinking that I am going to tell you how to find, train, or purchase said perfection. Wrong! The last time the quintessential male existed, his name was Adam and he hung out in a garden. And we all know how well THAT worked out!
Instead, dear reader, I would prefer to concentrate on the recognition of near-perfection. I was once told, "...if you expect nothing, that's exactly what you'll get." Because of this, I have always set the bar, one that regrettably many do not hurdle, high. This lack of athleticism; however, is not without hope albeit with some guidance.
Let's turn back the clock a little. Men often complain that they don't know what is expected of them. That having been said, here are some pointers. Expectation number one, I like having the door held for me. Blowing past me at the speed of a sonic boom, just to be sure of that seat by the window, is not what makes my heart do pitter-pats. Expectation number two, ask before you order for me. If I don't know what I want, I'll ask for input. Don't assume anything! It is said that a mouth opened in error may be wired shut on purpose. Expectation number three, I want a friend first and anything else second. A kiss is not the opening bell for the Octopus Olympics. My girley appendages are just that...MINE! No trespassing signs and razor wire should not have to be coordinated with the other evening accessories. Mace is supposedly used for the other guys! Expectation number four, clean up for me. When you ask me out on a date, I expect you to dress the part...clean, neat, coordinated. You don't need a suit, but I also don't want to be seen in public with an individual that looks like he just ran the bulls in Barcelona and got gored on the way!
Do I expect a lot? Yes! And I don't want my great expectations to end up languishing at a vermin infested after party! Mr. near-perfection is out there if we just look for him hard enough...probably next to that other allusive creature....you know.....the diet that works.
Instead, dear reader, I would prefer to concentrate on the recognition of near-perfection. I was once told, "...if you expect nothing, that's exactly what you'll get." Because of this, I have always set the bar, one that regrettably many do not hurdle, high. This lack of athleticism; however, is not without hope albeit with some guidance.
Let's turn back the clock a little. Men often complain that they don't know what is expected of them. That having been said, here are some pointers. Expectation number one, I like having the door held for me. Blowing past me at the speed of a sonic boom, just to be sure of that seat by the window, is not what makes my heart do pitter-pats. Expectation number two, ask before you order for me. If I don't know what I want, I'll ask for input. Don't assume anything! It is said that a mouth opened in error may be wired shut on purpose. Expectation number three, I want a friend first and anything else second. A kiss is not the opening bell for the Octopus Olympics. My girley appendages are just that...MINE! No trespassing signs and razor wire should not have to be coordinated with the other evening accessories. Mace is supposedly used for the other guys! Expectation number four, clean up for me. When you ask me out on a date, I expect you to dress the part...clean, neat, coordinated. You don't need a suit, but I also don't want to be seen in public with an individual that looks like he just ran the bulls in Barcelona and got gored on the way!
Do I expect a lot? Yes! And I don't want my great expectations to end up languishing at a vermin infested after party! Mr. near-perfection is out there if we just look for him hard enough...probably next to that other allusive creature....you know.....the diet that works.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Not the Kodak Moment I was Thinking of.....
It's been said that a picture paints a thousand words. Well, some are no artist.
When getting involved with dating sites, it has become painfully obvious that the profile photo can say as much about the individual as a menu can say about Rocky Mountain oysters....with possibly the same response....EWWWW!
In a brief comparison between male and female photos, there is a marked difference. Men generally utilize the head shot, whereas women generally drape themselves over bed linens like they are posing as centerfolds for Playboy. Ladies, what are you thinking?! What happened to mystery? What happened to subtle seduction? What happened to the rest of the outfit? Muffin tops need not be revealed!
Gentlemen you could use some pointers in this as well. When getting that all important photo, using your webcam is probably not the best option. None of us need to be able to count your nose hairs. Also, mulitple hoochy mommas as props does not say fun-loving personna. It instead screams, "You Ain't 'Nothin But a Hound Dog!" And what is with that "sexy look"? You are not Robert Downey Jr.! The one eyebrow up and come hither look can easily be interpreted as, "the Beano didn't work and you're just seconds from finding that out!" But above all, please....please....please refrain from the speedo libido pose. The last master of this disaster made me want to run from my computer screaming, "MY EYES..MY EYES!!!"
When getting involved with dating sites, it has become painfully obvious that the profile photo can say as much about the individual as a menu can say about Rocky Mountain oysters....with possibly the same response....EWWWW!
In a brief comparison between male and female photos, there is a marked difference. Men generally utilize the head shot, whereas women generally drape themselves over bed linens like they are posing as centerfolds for Playboy. Ladies, what are you thinking?! What happened to mystery? What happened to subtle seduction? What happened to the rest of the outfit? Muffin tops need not be revealed!
Gentlemen you could use some pointers in this as well. When getting that all important photo, using your webcam is probably not the best option. None of us need to be able to count your nose hairs. Also, mulitple hoochy mommas as props does not say fun-loving personna. It instead screams, "You Ain't 'Nothin But a Hound Dog!" And what is with that "sexy look"? You are not Robert Downey Jr.! The one eyebrow up and come hither look can easily be interpreted as, "the Beano didn't work and you're just seconds from finding that out!" But above all, please....please....please refrain from the speedo libido pose. The last master of this disaster made me want to run from my computer screaming, "MY EYES..MY EYES!!!"
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Check Please!
So you think you can date! Well, some could use a few pointers.
Most feel that when getting to know someone it is prudent to meet them at some point. We have all heard the cautions: meet somewhere public, take a friend, have a backup escape plan (something that involves something other than the crawling out of the bathroom window) etc. Often times, this will involve meeting someone for coffee or a meal. There are certain criteria; however, for this event to actually go according to plan. For example,the possession of a car (unless you are still not legal to drive in which case I fall back on my standard answer RUN AWAY!). Your dinner companion needs to have a means of paying for said meal. The quintessential meal. And so forth and so on.
Now you are probably reading this and you are mentally saying a profound DAAHHHH! Well, dear reader, what is dah to you is appearently Greek to some. One woman related this recent experience:
After the general warm up of e-mails and phone conversations the topic finally got past the usual inane chit-chat to the "real deal". "So, what do you do?" Reply, "Well, I just got laid off, my car was reposessed, and I am now sleeping on the couch at my ex-wife's" (Danger Will Robinson! Danger!) "Really! Well, how are we going to go out?" Reply, "Well, why don't you pick me up (location: BFE) and I'll cook for you at your place?" She then states, "I really don't have anything in the house." At which point he comments, "Ok, let's then just drop by the store on the way and I'll pick up what I need." Trying to see if this is really worth it, this woman then replys, "OK, I'll pick you up Wednesday night." At which point he replys, "Great, I should have my food stamp coupon book by then!"
Does anyone else see a potential problem here?
Most feel that when getting to know someone it is prudent to meet them at some point. We have all heard the cautions: meet somewhere public, take a friend, have a backup escape plan (something that involves something other than the crawling out of the bathroom window) etc. Often times, this will involve meeting someone for coffee or a meal. There are certain criteria; however, for this event to actually go according to plan. For example,the possession of a car (unless you are still not legal to drive in which case I fall back on my standard answer RUN AWAY!). Your dinner companion needs to have a means of paying for said meal. The quintessential meal. And so forth and so on.
Now you are probably reading this and you are mentally saying a profound DAAHHHH! Well, dear reader, what is dah to you is appearently Greek to some. One woman related this recent experience:
After the general warm up of e-mails and phone conversations the topic finally got past the usual inane chit-chat to the "real deal". "So, what do you do?" Reply, "Well, I just got laid off, my car was reposessed, and I am now sleeping on the couch at my ex-wife's" (Danger Will Robinson! Danger!) "Really! Well, how are we going to go out?" Reply, "Well, why don't you pick me up (location: BFE) and I'll cook for you at your place?" She then states, "I really don't have anything in the house." At which point he comments, "Ok, let's then just drop by the store on the way and I'll pick up what I need." Trying to see if this is really worth it, this woman then replys, "OK, I'll pick you up Wednesday night." At which point he replys, "Great, I should have my food stamp coupon book by then!"
Does anyone else see a potential problem here?
Friday, June 4, 2010
Boundaries, Boarders, and When to get a Boarder Collie!
It always amazes me when I hear about people demanding privacy and personal space. If you have ever been around anyone that has answered a mobile phone, you know that these are the same individuals that will discuss the most intimate details, of their personal life, with not only the caller, but whom-ever is in ear shot!
I recently was at a clinic that posted the prohibition of cell phones. Directly under the sign.....a woman yakked for thirty minutes regarding the mental instability of a family member. (I think it's genetic).
The reason I bring this up, is that this will be the same woman that will give out her cell phone number willy-nilly to whom-ever asks and then lament to any that will listen about, "....I don't know why he hasn't called!" Or my personal favorite, "....he's driving me crazy! He's called me seven times in the last fifteen minutes. Doesn't he have a job!"
Now, lets let this scenario play out a few months down the road. This will be the same woman that will complain when the break-up involves the loss of her personal property after she gave him a key during week two of the "honeymoon period" of dating. This will then be followed by her acts of surprise and disillusionment when she spots her granny's earrings on Craig's list. Personally, if you are that free and easy with your stuff, you had better be getting yourself to a clinic for some serious testing! Your property might not be the only thing that has some pieces missing.
Therefore, what are some basic guidelines for dating the potential fellon? These are what I refer to as my RUN AWAY! list.
1) If he starts going through your refrigerator (on date one, and not with the
intention of cleaning it)....RUN AWAY!
2) If the dog likes him best (dog has already proven that it has no taste...it liked
your ex-mother-in-law)....RUN AWAY!
3) If you discover that your phone has been tapped....RUN AWAY!
4) If you discover that he knows stuff that was only on your e-mail to your best
friend....RUN AWAY!
5) If you start missing money...RUN AWAY!
6) If, while cleaning out your car, you discover a baggie of "Herbs" or
"Talc"....RUN AWAY FASTER!!
7) If conversations occur that start with, "...I'm going to be out of town on
business, but if you get a phone call from some strange woman asking if you are
you....don't worry about it, it's just my office." Hire a private detective,
apply for your concealed weapons license, and...let HIM RUN AWAY!!!!
I recently was at a clinic that posted the prohibition of cell phones. Directly under the sign.....a woman yakked for thirty minutes regarding the mental instability of a family member. (I think it's genetic).
The reason I bring this up, is that this will be the same woman that will give out her cell phone number willy-nilly to whom-ever asks and then lament to any that will listen about, "....I don't know why he hasn't called!" Or my personal favorite, "....he's driving me crazy! He's called me seven times in the last fifteen minutes. Doesn't he have a job!"
Now, lets let this scenario play out a few months down the road. This will be the same woman that will complain when the break-up involves the loss of her personal property after she gave him a key during week two of the "honeymoon period" of dating. This will then be followed by her acts of surprise and disillusionment when she spots her granny's earrings on Craig's list. Personally, if you are that free and easy with your stuff, you had better be getting yourself to a clinic for some serious testing! Your property might not be the only thing that has some pieces missing.
Therefore, what are some basic guidelines for dating the potential fellon? These are what I refer to as my RUN AWAY! list.
1) If he starts going through your refrigerator (on date one, and not with the
intention of cleaning it)....RUN AWAY!
2) If the dog likes him best (dog has already proven that it has no taste...it liked
your ex-mother-in-law)....RUN AWAY!
3) If you discover that your phone has been tapped....RUN AWAY!
4) If you discover that he knows stuff that was only on your e-mail to your best
friend....RUN AWAY!
5) If you start missing money...RUN AWAY!
6) If, while cleaning out your car, you discover a baggie of "Herbs" or
"Talc"....RUN AWAY FASTER!!
7) If conversations occur that start with, "...I'm going to be out of town on
business, but if you get a phone call from some strange woman asking if you are
you....don't worry about it, it's just my office." Hire a private detective,
apply for your concealed weapons license, and...let HIM RUN AWAY!!!!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Night Club
I have decided that they call it a night club for a reason. You keep the place sooo dark that you erase approximately fifteen years off of the customer's face. Which is probably the number one reason for the next day "....OMG are you who I went home with last night?!" response.
A friend of mine and I decided one night to go to a place which rhymes with toupee (which seemed to be the number one accessory). The participants ranged in ages from early 40's to 70+. The first individual we were introduced to we will name "Ballpark Frank". This was a gentleman approximately 70 years old, dressed in a red polo shirt, and spent the evening with his hands on his hips. He surveyed the opposite sex like he was trying to decide if he was going to purchase the team.
The next individual, "mushroom man" was as wide as he was tall and dressed like a petite John Travolta. All that would come to mind was the image of a spinning top at Christmas.
Then there was "fancy feet". A terrific dancer that was focused on (as it was discovered later)the relocation from his brother's basement to the abode of some unsuspecting female.
When meeting and greeting these individuals, the same thoughts just seemed to pop into ones head... Stalker! Crazy! Now I know why you're single! Really! and Really Again!
Everything; however, is a learning experience. I have now learned that you never give out any personal information including, but not limited to: your name, age, address, time you've lived in the area, schools attended, time single, people you've known, favorite anything, animals you've owned, education, or color preference. In short, tell them NOTHING! but try to find out as much about them as possible. It's kind of like a job interview.
A friend of mine and I decided one night to go to a place which rhymes with toupee (which seemed to be the number one accessory). The participants ranged in ages from early 40's to 70+. The first individual we were introduced to we will name "Ballpark Frank". This was a gentleman approximately 70 years old, dressed in a red polo shirt, and spent the evening with his hands on his hips. He surveyed the opposite sex like he was trying to decide if he was going to purchase the team.
The next individual, "mushroom man" was as wide as he was tall and dressed like a petite John Travolta. All that would come to mind was the image of a spinning top at Christmas.
Then there was "fancy feet". A terrific dancer that was focused on (as it was discovered later)the relocation from his brother's basement to the abode of some unsuspecting female.
When meeting and greeting these individuals, the same thoughts just seemed to pop into ones head... Stalker! Crazy! Now I know why you're single! Really! and Really Again!
Everything; however, is a learning experience. I have now learned that you never give out any personal information including, but not limited to: your name, age, address, time you've lived in the area, schools attended, time single, people you've known, favorite anything, animals you've owned, education, or color preference. In short, tell them NOTHING! but try to find out as much about them as possible. It's kind of like a job interview.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The New Adventure
Today I have decided to blog about the adventure of dating for the older woman. You, dear reader, will be my sounding board and confidant. To begin with, I would like to explain about me. I am in my late 40's with a brain and I know how to use it. (This appears to be a scary thing). I am no Venus, but I do have all of the standard equipment. I have a job and I am secure in who I am.....I'm just not positive about who I want.
I have hopped onto a couple of dating websites with the intention of finding a gentleman with whom I can share a meal and a good movie. I really didn't think that my requirements were too stringent.....I have been proven wrong.
In the last 24 hours, I have had over 60 "hits" and the participants have been legions. One profile stated that basically....he could accept an ugly woman. Wow, I feel special. Another sir, stated that he was getting over a stroke, but could now walk short distances. This is apparently a step up (no pun intended) over the gentleman that had two artificial legs. I am seriously beginning to feel like Shallow Hal.
Is it too much to ask that the individual with whom I would like to share a date with have all of his appendages? (I confess, that I do include teeth as an appendage). Hair is entirely optional. The age bracket was from 40 to 60....so what has happened?
I confess that I am also concerned with some of the contact names being presented....DrXOXO, homeriliad, or Italianchocolate. Have I missed something? Was there a memo about how to weed out the opposite sex with a name? I am quite simply mystified as to why men would think that that kind of a name would be a come-on calling card. What happened to poetry and style? I would not be surprised if the next e-mail is sent by Great Balls of Fire!
Well, I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
I have hopped onto a couple of dating websites with the intention of finding a gentleman with whom I can share a meal and a good movie. I really didn't think that my requirements were too stringent.....I have been proven wrong.
In the last 24 hours, I have had over 60 "hits" and the participants have been legions. One profile stated that basically....he could accept an ugly woman. Wow, I feel special. Another sir, stated that he was getting over a stroke, but could now walk short distances. This is apparently a step up (no pun intended) over the gentleman that had two artificial legs. I am seriously beginning to feel like Shallow Hal.
Is it too much to ask that the individual with whom I would like to share a date with have all of his appendages? (I confess, that I do include teeth as an appendage). Hair is entirely optional. The age bracket was from 40 to 60....so what has happened?
I confess that I am also concerned with some of the contact names being presented....DrXOXO, homeriliad, or Italianchocolate. Have I missed something? Was there a memo about how to weed out the opposite sex with a name? I am quite simply mystified as to why men would think that that kind of a name would be a come-on calling card. What happened to poetry and style? I would not be surprised if the next e-mail is sent by Great Balls of Fire!
Well, I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.
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